In the future we'll all be gay
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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