She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
