So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
