I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Also, beer. Big fan.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
