I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's blow job season.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
