the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize
