My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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