On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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