You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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