Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
