I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize