Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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