did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
