Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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