belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Randomize
