Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
