i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
