She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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