Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
