babies were throwing up all over the place
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
meet me or not, i'm out of control
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
