My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
false alarm, still single
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