Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
