party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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