Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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