she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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