You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
