She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
