Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize