took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
