She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
COCAINE IS GR8
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
