I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
