you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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