I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
