Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
