Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
