if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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