you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
