as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
