Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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