Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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