Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
