he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
