my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
