youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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