just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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