shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
and she was petting her beer can
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
