I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
