you mean i was at the winter classic?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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