A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
did i walk over a car last night?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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