He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
