Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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