i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize