girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize