Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
