I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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