There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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