i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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