hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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