you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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