i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
