i think i have herpe
just one?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
