I'm sorry my penis didn't work
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize