Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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