we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
