i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
