If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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