alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
