but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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