I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
