My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
