Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
