dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
