he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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