last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
