I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
