What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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